There lies within me a great sadness deep in my heart That is tinted with anger and bitterness along the way. Life and death is very hard We live the consequences of a lost son everyday, yes we go on in away, but we lost everything of meaning that day. Planning the future is very hard because it has no baseness in our hearts, Less Caring for others or interested in life seem to diminish as the heart is broken. We go on for Ben our eldest son day to day but it is very hard to live a lye that everything is ok because inside we are broken. Grief is a lonely place and child loss and is not a subject people want to talk about, life is for laughter and living, death,misery negative or sad things are the opposite and must be avoided. So you live alone in the mist with your thoughts regrets and what could and should have been for our beautiful lost son. Negotiating each day as it comes. One day I hope to write a book about Henry and his life and what happened in lockdown Both in his memory and for understanding and being aware of mental health, autism and eating disorders, and grief of a lost child. Missing you HenryX